Adulting 1.0

I hurt myself and I'm in the middle of recovery. I still thinking why it happened to me. All effort I've made it turned into nothing. I lost my partner, I lost my job and I have misunderstanding with my family and relatives. I think the reason is me. I'm the toxic person. I making myself miserable. Why it is happening to me? I think I deserve this. I don't have a goal. I'm nothing right now. I been depressed for quite long and still no sign of progress. Well, I guess I have. I able to attend all my job interview. I don't know what's happening to me. 

I hope someone help me to be better person again.